| "Life is short and full of blisters,"
| |
| | courthouse -- came down to the levee to
|
| sighed the elderly southern gentlemen as
| |
| | watch the goings on.Dad always took along
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| we exchanged confidences about our various
| |
| | a plug of chewing tobacco to pass around
|
| problems.That seemed to sum up our mutual
| |
| | and loosen the tongues of the old-timers.
|
| outlook on the vagaries of human
| |
| | It didn't take much. I got to keep the
|
| existence, so we shook hands and went our
| |
| | little, tin, brand tags on the plugs -
|
| separate ways.That succinct sentence has
| |
| | such as "Tin Star," "Red Coon," and "Bull
|
| returned to memory often since I first
| |
| | of the Woods." They were prized
|
| heard it several years ago - partly
| |
| | collectibles."You boys remember any of the
|
| because of its homey philosophy, but
| |
| | old brags?" Dad would say, as he stuffed
|
| mostly because it is a draught of cool
| |
| | in a chaw of terbakker. Then I snapped to
|
| water to this writer who has wandered long
| |
| | attention. One brag I remember went
|
| in a language desert searching for
| |
| | something like this:"I'm half horse, half
|
| oasises.I have come to realize that the
| |
| | alligator, with a little touch of snapping
|
| colorful language of my youth in the South
| |
| | turtle, clumb a streak of lightning, slid
|
| has nearly disappeared from the American
| |
| | down a locust tree a hundred feet high,
|
| scene. We speak in precise phrases, short
| |
| | with a wildcat under each arm, and never
|
| sentences, business-like declarations.
| |
| | got a scratch. Whoopee-yip-ho!"I come to
|
| Efficient, but drab.When I was growing up
| |
| | this country riding a catamount, whipping
|
| "down home" it was common for folks to
| |
| | him over the head with a forty-five and
|
| sprinkle their conversation with
| |
| | picking my teeth with a rattlesnake, using
|
| colloquialisms. "Shoveling smoke," or
| |
| | a cactus for a piller. Whe-e-e! I'm a
|
| "Money thinks I'm dead," or "A day late,
| |
| | two-gun cuss and a very bad man, and it
|
| and a dollar short," or "If they put your
| |
| | won't do to monkey with me. Whoopee! "I
|
| brains in a jaybird, it'd fly
| |
| | was raised in the backwoods, suckled by a
|
| backwards."What we need are more inventive
| |
| | grizzly bear, got nine rows of jaw teeth
|
| talkers - like my Uncle Hooky Brown. He
| |
| | and holes punched for more, a double coat
|
| appreciated the fine points of
| |
| | of hair, steel ribs, boiler tube
|
| discourse.Hooky dearly loved clerking in
| |
| | intestines, a barbed wire tail, and I
|
| the general store at Bradford, Tennessee.
| |
| | don't give a damn where I drag it.
|
| He built up a big trade because he was the
| |
| | Whoopee-wee-a-ha!"* * *Frontiersmen took
|
| best entertainment that side of the
| |
| | great pride in their personal yells, or
|
| Mississippi.At the conclusion of each
| |
| | brags, elaborating on them through the
|
| sale, while sacking items purchased, he
| |
| | years. Generally they were given
|
| rattled off - in one breath -- a long list
| |
| | preliminary to good-natured "tussling" or
|
| of improbable commodities the customer
| |
| | roughhousing.Brags also were a way of
|
| might have forgotten to order. It was a
| |
| | announcing their presence at a strange
|
| symphony of dialog in a minute
| |
| | saloon where they wanted to make friends
|
| waltz:"Thank you kindly, Miz Boone, and
| |
| | quickly. A creative brag usually was
|
| will there be anything else
| |
| | rewarded with a free beer.A bar room sally
|
| today?Lampwicksaxehandleshorsecollarscorse
| |
| | went something like this:"Hey, look at me!
|
| tstaysblackeyedpeasprunessealingwax
| |
| | I'm the genuine article, a real
|
| beeswaxcarpettaxfignewtonssunbonnetscoaloi
| |
| | double-acting engine. I'm a hard customer
|
| lshoepolishfurniturepolishsilverpolish
| |
| | that can lick any man here. If you don't
|
| bakingsodasodacrackerssodapoppumpwasherspe
| |
| | believe it, step up and try me. I can
|
| ppermintstickcheeseclothneedles
| |
| | out-run, out-jump, out-swim, chaw more
|
| flowerseedssidemeatbuckshot or button
| |
| | tabaccy and spit less, drink more whiskey
|
| hooks?" The spiel varied - depending on
| |
| | and keep soberer, than any man in these
|
| the customer's sense of humor. It was fun
| |
| | localities. Come out some of you and die
|
| to try and figure out what he was trying
| |
| | decently, for I'm spieling fer a fight."*
|
| to get you to buy. You figure it out.Once
| |
| | * *The best roarers were river men who
|
| in awhile he would get caught by his
| |
| | drifted up and down the Mississippi
|
| tomfoolery. A sly customer would reply,
| |
| | without calling any place home until they
|
| "Why, yes, now that you mention it. I'll
| |
| | got too old to haul a hawser. Once I heard
|
| have a dozen corset stays.""Yes, Mam,"
| |
| | this magnificent boast at the
|
| Hooky would say without hesitation. "We're
| |
| | Caruthersville levee:"Yah-hoo! I'm the old
|
| fresh out just this morning. I'll have a
| |
| | original iron-jawed, brass-mounted,
|
| box of them for you tomorrow. Would you
| |
| | copper-bellied corpse-maker from the
|
| care to make a ten-dollar deposit?"* *
| |
| | wilds of Arkansaw. They call be Sudden
|
| *Salty talkers in the olden days abounded
| |
| | Death and General Desolation. "Sired by a
|
| everywhere. Hey-day of "rip-tail roarers"
| |
| | hurricane. Damn'd by an earthquake.
|
| had nearly vanished in my childhood as
| |
| | Half-brother to the cholera. Nearly
|
| regular fare. Nonetheless, we kids in
| |
| | related to the small pox on my
|
| small, southern towns could still coax
| |
| | mother's side. "Look at me! I take
|
| old-timers to recite the brags and yells
| |
| | nineteen alligators and a bar'l of whiskey
|
| they learned as young ranch hands,
| |
| | for breakfast when I'm in robust
|
| lumberjacks or riverboat stevedores.Roars
| |
| | health, and a bushel of rattlesnakes and a
|
| once were the fashion among rough,
| |
| | dead body when I'm ailing. I split
|
| hardworking men. They made a dent in my
| |
| | the everlasting rocks with my glance, and
|
| youthful memory.When I was nine, at
| |
| | I squench the thunder when I speak.
|
| Caruthersville, Missouri, my father would
| |
| | Whoo-op!"Stand back and give me room
|
| take me to the levee at the foot of Main
| |
| | according to my strength. Blood's my
|
| Street to watch the Mississippi cotton
| |
| | natural drink, and the wails of the
|
| boats tie up for cotton bales.When there
| |
| | dying is music to my ears. Cast your eyes
|
| was loading, the good old boys -- who
| |
| | on me, gentlemen.
|
| usually whiled away the time around the
| |
| |
|
